hello goodbye, goodbye.

a friend once said to me, "our theses are like babies. we carry them for nine months and then we give birth to it at the end of the term."

indeed. for nine months, all i could (and should) be thinking about was how i would nurture this 'baby' growing inside me. i fed it slowly, i talked to it in my mind, i planned its future on paper, i gathered as much information as i could to make sure my baby would become the best. but sometimes, i also just wanted to chuck it away. i didn't understand what was the whole point in nurturing this baby. i kept asking myself, is this really what you want to be doing? what is the whole point in feeding it what you're feeding? is that the best you can give? i've stressed myself out too much; i really wanted the best for my baby. will i reap what i sow?

it has indeed been a long and treacherous term, at times chokingly unbearable. if i had known it would be like this, would i still put myself through this?

another friend asked, "do you regret doing Honours? or is that whole experience wonderful?"
i said i don't but if i could, i would change my thesis topic and i would want another supervisor. and to my own question, yes i would still have gone through with this ridiculously mind-boggling period because giving birth is a feeling that's quite "wonderful", quite indescribable, quite out of the world, yet also quite painful.

i've given it what i could. now, its future lies in the hands of two strange persons. i can only hope for the best.

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